E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

That’ll do Occupy Oakland, that’ll do

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Okay Oakland, we get it. You’re the Baltimore of the West Coast—gritty, scary and a great place to start a vegan cupcake pushcart. But why you gotta be so angry all the time? Is it because your Daddy (San Francisco) missed your teeball games??

Yes, last night Oakland burned (metaphorically) as Occupy Oakland protesters got out of hand. Sure, the Oakland Police Department has acted in a criminally vicious manner towards protesters, but the crusty types at this Occupy Wall Street off-shoot are going a little nuts. Besides shutting down the city’s port, they vandalized Oakland’s Whole Foods! You can’t burn Whole Foods: it’s the left wing’s food source! You’re scorched earthing yourselves (yes, that’s what the kids like: jokes about Napoleon’s invasion of Russia).

You have every right to be mad: Oakland has some pretty messed up economic problems, although me thinks these East Bay rioters live in that city precisely because it’s cheap and grimey. I guess my question is are they frustrated solely with Wall Street or with the fact that as part of their own pretentions they’re living in a $200 a month apartment that keeps getting broken into.

So let’s please keep these protests focused and peaceful? Some real people with real power are listening to what the Occupy Wall Street people have to say—let’s not have something that is meaningful on a national level devolve into either a slugfest or some lame protest at the vegan station in the Wesleyan cafeteria.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 3, 2011 at 10:09 am

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