E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Point-Counterpoint: A Kardashian Divorce

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Tragic news America: Kim Kardashian is divorcing husband of 72 days Kris Humphries. Now, a few months ago, E Pluribus Moron was joined by noted celebrity expert and theater blogger extraoridnaire Leah Franqui to discuss the news that Kardashian had just gotten engaged to NBA play Kris Humphries. America was a different place when that news broke 159 days ago: 9-9-9 were lottery ticket numbers, not a tax plan. We hadn’t be subjected to yet another Transformers movie. Now we must ask ourselves whether the end of this less-than-three-month-long marriage has crushed the last flower of our innocence.
 
Point: Brain dead love is dead

Well I hope everyone is ready to end up a lonely cat lady (except you Leah, you need to stop being so excited by the prospect of living with hundreds of cats), because the Kardashian divorce shows that brain dead love is just regular dead.

For you see, how can we expect love to blossom in our own lives if these two people, who were set up in the most romantic way possible – i.e. by Ryan Seacrest’s production company – couldn’t make their marriage work? My god if this relationship failed, must we now question all the relationships set up by producers for reality television? Do the vacant eyed fame whores/craven wannabe actresses on The Bachelor not actually instantly fall in love with the show’s waxed narcissist lead? If you can’t get drunk on cheap pinot grigio and find your soul mate surrounded by cameras and surly teamsters, how can you fall in love? I don’t want to live!!!!
Alas, the only bright spot is how this whole wedding will improve California’s faltering state tax receipts. Kim is rumored to have made $17.9 million on this marriage. Think how many teachers and fire fighters will be able to keep their jobs because Ms. Kardashian let a guy stick it to her on national television…

Counterpoint: Emily Post is rolling in her grave

First of all, Ben, my apartment is too small for a hundred cats. I’m thinking five, at most, assuming I give up all my furniture. Second of all, you make a solid point about love and marriage to which I would respond, don’t give up hope, buddy! You too can someday meet your sole mate with an audience of millions and the lavish wedding of your dreams! Never mind the crumbling economy or the fact that you don’t actually look good in silk charmuse! Don’t lose hope, my friend, there is always Love in the Wild!

But I’m more fascinated by the fact that, allegedly, Mr. Humphris (K-dawg, to his friends), found out about this rupture in nuptial bliss through TMZ, just like the rest of us. No lunch date, no phone call, not even a facebook poke. Ms. Kardashian, she of the perfect posterior (I swear, everywhere you look that woman’s ass is staring at you), couldn’t even be bothered to actually have a conversation with her soon-to-be-ex-husband. What happened, did she meet a football player? A CEO? A prince of an oppressed nation? Or is it just too much work for a woman who can’t spell without the letter K?

Well there you have it folks! Love is possible, but only if you feed off the misery and pain of others, producing a foul pop-culture excrement that you smear all over the face of Lady Liberty.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 1, 2011 at 4:38 pm

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