E PLURIBUS MORON

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Children: America’s Greatest Perverts

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The New York Post, because it’s owned by Rupert Murdoch, likes nothing better than to write articles containing the phrases “teen sex” “outrage” and “sadomasochistic sex play”. Thankfully on a usually slow Monday newsday, the Post found a fantastic way to combine those eye-catching buzzwords.

In this week’s outrageous sex education news, the new New York City sexual health curriculum will teach kids about dangerous things like contraception and how to avoid sexual assault. Worse, teens with questions are being directed towards Go Ask Alice, a website created by Columbia University “which explores topics like “doggie-style” and other positions, “sadomasochistic sex play,” phone sex, oral sex with braces, fetishes, porn stars, vibrators and bestiality.”

Parents are apparently outraged, because encouraging children to voluntarily look at an academically-vetted website is the same thing a forcing little Timmy to watch German dungeon porn.

But gonna go ahead and say that that outrage is silly. Teens today watch A LOT of messed up pornography. Sure in the 70s all you had to worry about was explaining to your kid why the woman in Penthouse has so much pubic bush, but contemporary websites like Anal Assbangers, Midget Queef Slumber Party and (my favorite musical/bdsm crossover site) the Sounding of Music may lead to a tad bit more confusion.

Kids are curious: they’ll want to know just how a woman can fit three cocks in her anus. If you’re not ready to have that conversation (and I don’t know why you wouldn’t be because there’s a one word answer to that question: “drugs”), perhaps we could let the school system help you with that disgusting burden.

Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 24, 2011 at 3:24 pm

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