E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Can lips have heart attacks?

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I can’t tell if this is a health story or a style story. Either way it makes me desperately want to go do some cardio…

Paula Dean, the television chef whose maternal behavior and love of cream makes her sort of love a giant lactating breast, is now selling Paula Dean brand Butter Flavored Chapstick. This new product will apparently help out nation overcome it’s alarming lack both of chapstick and butterfat covered lips.

Here’s a thought: why would you buy an expensive celebrity branded tube of butter flavored fat (which is what chapstick is essentially) when you could just buy a fucking stick of butter. Sure you can’t keep it in your purse, but ya know what? God made butter melt for a reason: so you wouldn’t always be able to gobble it down/rub it all over your fat southern lips.

Jeez EPM editor, what’s with all the hostility you ask? I guess I’m jsut jealous because my step-dad won’t let me wear makeup yet…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm

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