E PLURIBUS MORON

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Trend watch: The number 9

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Not since Hitler picked out drapes for his bunker has the word “nein” been so en vogue! What’s that? Bunkers don’t have drapes? And “nein” and “nine” aren’t the same thing? You crazy!

Anyway, 9 is totally the new black. Or the new Justin Bieber. It’s everywhere you turn! Herman Cain, America’s most popular Herman (take that, Melville) is pushing his 9-9-9 tax plan pretty hard. Oh sure everyone thinks it’s a disaster, but still Cain is working that number: he has verbal-9 diarrhea, not unlike the gastrointestinal outcome of a Godfather’s pizza.

But it’s not job right-wing nut jobs who are giving nine its moment to shine: that kid who sold you weed in college has found his political voice and is preaching the nine. What is Occupy Wall Streets chant? “We are the 99%“. It’s not quite as nine-y as Cain’s talking point, but it’s still zeitgeisty as shit.

And don’t forget about that miserable 9.1% unemployment rate…

So go on with your bad self, the number nine! Once Rick Santorum replaces Cain as the Not-Romney-du-jour and winter makes all those hippies at Occupy Wall Street freeze to death, America may find itself and new numeral.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 18, 2011 at 6:57 pm

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