America’s 2nd/3rd black president

 

Oh sure Barack Obama might be our first President who is a black enough to scare my grandmother, but Obama’s dad jeans make him infinitely less soulful than our nation’s first black president, Bill Clinton.

Indeed, now that Herman “Not Romney or Perry” Cain is doing so well in the polls, conservative columnist Charles Hurt is asking the obvious question: is our country ready for the inevitable Cain presidency? Hurt, who is exactly this funky fresh looking, seems to think he knows a thing or two about “the blacks”, okay? Hurt tells us that Democrats will never tolerate a conservative African-American president because “liberals…cannot abide a successful, independent-minded black who dares to step out of line and reject the enslavement of the Plantation Party.”

Man is Hurt down with the brothers! Everyone knows African Americans love being called “a black” by a guy who looks like the head of their college’s Young Republicans association. Also, I’m sure black Americans adore being told that the party that they have become so central to molding over the past 50 years is “the plantation party”.

If you jive turkeys couldn’t tell I’m being sarcastic. It’s language like this that shows that while conservatives are happy to pay lip service to this month’s Not-Romney, even a poor-people hating conservative dickbag like Herman Cain still makes them clutch at their wallets and purses. So while most Americans are just as ready for their 2nd/3rd black president as they were for Obama, conservatives like Hurt clearly are not.

To be fair Cain won’t win anyway ~sobs~, so really we should also ask ourselves if America is ready for it’s first conservative lesbian president, conservative Eskimo president, conservative butternut squash president…

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