E PLURIBUS MORON

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You want to know how unhappy conservative Republicans are with the knowledge that their presidential nominee is going to be Mitt Romney? They’ve begun to pretend that Herman Cain, whose “Cain Train” is one engine short of a caboose if ya know what I mean, is a real contender.

That’s why the slightly more reasonable members of the GOP were BEGGING New Jersey governor Chris Christie to run for president this weekend, despite the fact that he has said no like a million times. Stop trying to make fetch Christie happen Gretchen Republicans! It’s not going to happen.

Indeed, in observing all of this I can’t help but think of my own apartment search, err, searching for EPM’s office space…Basically I spent a lot of time trying to find the absolute perfect place. I drove myself nuts until I realized that finding a good place now was better than holding out for a place that was 100% right but might never come. And that’s what Republicans are doing now: because the Koch brothers haven’t quite figured out how to raise Reagan’s corpse from the dead (but oh they are trying), everyone is looking for the perfect candidate. Today Christie is that perfect candidate, last month Perry was that perfect candidate and in the spring that perfect candidate was (ugh) Donald Trump.

LEARN TO SETTLE A LITTLE GOP. You’ll be a lot happier and more productive when you. And to anyone who questions my Chris Christie-as-apartment-hunting analogy remember: the Govenor is as fat as a house, so it’s actually pretty apt.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 3, 2011 at 11:16 am

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