Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Florida’s primary primary problem

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In the age of American Idol primary election seasons are really outdated. I say let’s put all the candidates on a stage and have them sing “The Power of Love” until one emerges bloody and victorious.

But because Rupert Murdoch doesn’t control our entire electoral system yet, everyone is nervous for this Friday’s announcement from Florida about the date of it’s presidential primary. In complete violation of GOP rules, Florida’s Republicans are threatening to schedule their primary for January 31st, 2012; this date would be irritatingly early were this for the 2012 election, but sadly that’s the date they’ve picked for the 2016 presidential election! OMGZ JK rotfl. Anyway,

Florida kind of has classic only-child syndrome. Our nation’s only tropical state, it never quite fit in with its Deep South neighbors, and not it acts like an entitled cunty 16 year old girl demanding daddy buy her a Lexus because so help her God she is his only shot at grandkids. Iowa, South Carolina, New Hampshire may also act like jerks, but they seem to know how to share and give-and-take better than Florida.

So please Florida, don’t shift the whole primary calendar ahead by 3 months just to suit your own sweaty ego. What will Herman Cain do when he wraps up the nomination (and the presidency) in March? Sounds pretty dull to me…


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

September 28, 2011 at 10:05 am

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