E PLURIBUS MORON

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Jesus loves you, hates your 401k

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In times of trouble many turn to God…and apparently 20% of people were then told by the Almighty to go fuck themselves.

Baylor University released a study today about God and the economy which found that “one in five Americans combine a view of God as actively engaged in daily workings of the world with an economic conservative view that opposes government regulation and champions the free market”. The other 4/5ths are lazy good-for-nothing atheists!

Did you know that the Bible proves that God hates big government? Look at economic crap storm those secular humanists in Europe are facing. Those godless Chinese socialists? Well, umm, everyone knows God doesn’t give a shit about what non-White people do. Furthermore, to suggest that Jesus wasn’t an Ayn Rand-loving free market capitalist is blasephemy: I mean, he only attacked those greedy money changers in the Temple IRONICALLY. Yup, Jesus was super meta like that.

And for those of you who would say that the economy is a deeply human invention and it’s incredibly depressing and fatalistic to assume that economic hardship can only be fixed by God, I would say DEVIL BE GONE!!!

Besides, everyone knows that Jews (like your editor) control the economy, not God.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

September 20, 2011 at 10:14 am

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