E PLURIBUS MORON

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A big orange investment tip

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Let’s face it: Americans have a weird relationship with Latina jailbait pop stars pumpkins. They are nearly ubiquitous in the fall, and yet most people will never cook one and unlike every other vegetable we pretend to eat you cannot stuff a pumpkin with cheese and deep fry it whole (or at least you shouldnt).

But as we learned today pumpkin crops throughout the Northeast have been devastated by all that stupid rain! And now here is my investment tip: Economy got you down? Buy hundreds of pumpkins.

Want to enjoy the fall? Maybe do some jack-o-latern carving with the kids? That’ll be $50 asshole! It’s called the “hoarding jerk” method of investment and if pumpking prices are anything like gold prices (which they are sure to be), this will make you a millionaire. Expect all of Fox News’ programs to be sponsored by pumpkin retailers. Ron Paul will also want a return to the pumpkin standard.

Of course Democrats will want to tax these wealthy pumpkins, as they are wealth/pie creators.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

September 19, 2011 at 2:21 pm

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