E PLURIBUS MORON

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The Porn Bunker is a thing, not a disgusting website

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Ever wonder what, besides the Constitution and Van Jones resignation letter, Glenn Beck pleasures himself to at night? Well my deeply disturbed friend, it’s about to be this: San Fernando Valley-based porn company Pink Visual has announced it’s building an underground doomsday bunker. Well if a porn company knows one thing it’s how to drill a hole, right?

According to a spokeman the bunker (pictured above because I’m at work and will not google image search “porn bunker”) will be “‘far more than a mere bomb shelter or subterranean survivalist enclave’ with amenities such as multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and a sophisticated content production studio.” Plus in the event of nuclear war inhabitants will be well insulated by all those fake breasts, as silicon can withstand massive amounts of radition.

But before you go invest all your money in this fuckfest fall out shelter, remember a few things. First, STDs would likely wipe out the population before you could emmerge. Secondly, rescues my confuse the moans and wails of something getting DPed with the moans and wails of doomsday mutant zombies and not help you.

Do Frito Lays have a doomsday shelter? Shit throw a hydroponic marijuana and a DVD box set of Dr. Who farm in their and you’d be set for the post-apocalypse.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

September 15, 2011 at 10:04 am

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