Planet Bling Bling y’all
Okay this has nothing to do with the American that Rick Perry says we’re letting slip away, but I just thought it was a fun piece of news: Australian astronomers (“Crikey Bruce! Is that a star?” “Why yes Bruce I believe it is.”) have discovered a planet made of diamonds. The planet, which is 4,000 light years away and orbits a pulsar, is made of crystalline carbon, and therefore is probably just one very large diamond.
Friends, it is our duty to colonize that planet. Not so much to beat Dubai (you know they’d take it as soon as they could), but rather to add it to the wedding dowery of America’s giant diamond, Kim Kardashian. Also Jay-Z would look pretty awesome driving a Maybach around on that planet.
Never forget though children: on the diamond planet the man with the cubic zirconia is king!