E PLURIBUS MORON

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Friday in August: Professional Pergatory

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As I was saying earlier, fridays in August are where unbaptised work babies wait until Jesus Christ returns. With that in mind, I’m going to both rip of Gawker (thanks for the heads up!), make fun of CBS News (I know it’s a friday in August for you too) and talk about sluts. Sounds promissing, no?

Gawker has found a delightful infographic from CBS News, who took time out of pimping Obama merchandise to cobble together a list of the “Ten Most Promiscuous Cities in America” according to the Online Dating site OkCupid. Why are these skank-bags and cock jockeys so horny? Well here is the list of cities broken down by biggest local turn on:

 
10. Houston, Texas—The smell of burning petrochemicals
9. San Diego—The belief that Jesus wants you to bleach you teeth/anus
8. Denver—Rocky Mountain Oysters DUH
7. San Bernardino—Foreclosed homes and suffering
6. Dallas—The term “The Bush Years”
5. San Francisco–Ugh wasn’t doesn’t turn those perverts on. Oh right, circumcized dongs.
4. Miami—Plotting the overthrown of a Latin American government
3. Pittsburgh—Coal dust
2. Seattle—Much too much caffeine/Faded 1990s glory
1. Portland—Do they make gages for cock rings?

Annnnnnnd it’s the weekend. Peace out y’all.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 19, 2011 at 4:40 pm

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