E PLURIBUS MORON

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Iowa: The briefly interesting state!

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It is going down in Iowa this weekend guys! The Iowa State Fair is holding it’s super important/totally unimportant Presidential Straw Poll, which will go a long way to determining what nut job will win the state’s primary and then ultimately lose the nomination to that weirdo Mitt Romney. So much stuff is going on in the Hawkeye state I thought I’d break down some awesome stories for y’all. 

Debate fever: Last night Fox News held a Republican Presidential debate and it got all kinds of sassy. Newt Gingrich got all huffy when the commentator pointed out his campaign is falling apart. Pawlenty rightly told Bachmann that being a lunatic does not count as having a successful record of goverance. Best of all Romney said of the Debt Ceiling compromise “I’m not going to eat Barack Obama’s dog food.” Umm, what? I had no idea that the GOP was being so intransigent because Barack Obama insisted both on revenue increases AND that Mitch McConnell have to eat a bowl of dog food for there to be a deal. ‘Twas a glorious event.

Palin…must…feed…: Sarah Palin, an Alaskan homemaker, is heading to Iowa this weekend to suck some oxygen out of the state as real candidates for President (well, not REAL candidates, but people who are actually running for some reason) fight for brief seconds of air time. Some may call Sarah Palin a callous media whore and a spoil-sport, but rather we should acknowledge she lusts after the spotlight because her moth brain compels her to it’s warm and soothing glow.

Fried butter: Perhaps as a swipe at Michelle Obama, this year’s Iowa State Fair will commemorate the 100th anniversary of the Fair’s butter cow statue by featuring fried butter on a stick. Listen if Michele Bachmann was going to win my state’s nomination for President I’d want to make my heart explode too.

Stay tuned for more corn fed updates.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 12, 2011 at 9:57 am

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