E PLURIBUS MORON

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What a bunch of giant haboobs

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The weather has been very bad lately in Arizona: with a record number of massive duststorms, police officers can hardly see who they’re racial profiling! And of course like any good weather event, local news channels have dedicated 96% of their coverage to these duststorms: little do these fools know that their coverage is opening the door to Al Qaeda!

You see, Arizona’s TV weatherpeople have been calling these duststorms “haboobs” which, if that wasn’t the Arabic word for dust storm, would be kinda hilarious (tehehe “boob”). Don Yonts, local crank hero, wrote a letter to The Arizona Republic demanding that people stop using the Arabic term for dust storms because “How do (you) think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

Yonts is right! Oh sure, a local climatogolist told the New York Times that “Meteorologists in the Southwest have used (the word haboob) for decades”, but that’s beside the point. It is our duty to root out these Arabic-based English words if we want freedom to survive! That said, here are my recommendations for changes:

Algebra=Freedom math

Giraffe=Ladder horse

Hummus=(No word change here. Just don’t eat it.)

Orange=Dorito/Cheeto gold

Soda=America juice

Tuna=Fancy Appetizer/Cheap Sandwich Fish

Hmmm come to think of it we might want to change the word “Arizona” too, as it either comes from Spanish (our enemies in the late 1890s) or the Native Americans (our oldest enemies). “Angry White People Land” sounds good to me.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 22, 2011 at 7:48 am

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