E PLURIBUS MORON

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And here I thought the only cell phone that might end up in someones mouth would be a ~ahahahah~ blackberry.

Patent lawyer to the stars Brian Anscomb got in a fight with his much younger girlfriend in their swank Upper East Side apartment. In an effort to shut her up (hey he wasn’t paying her to talk, amiright?) Anscomb has been accused of “force feeding” an iPhone down his girlfriends throat. (He got the whole thing down her throat? Slut. Kidding. Very much kidding.)

Obviously if that’s true it’s awful awful awful. BUT I would like to point out that in some ways it isn’t unprecidented: as someone who was iPhone-less until a week ago, I can attest to the fact that iPhone users pretty constantly metaphorically shove iPhones down the throats of others. Anscomb had clearly gotten so used to the aggressive superiority complex that one develops with an iPhone and turned it into attempted murder.

So please! If you are going to kill someone with a fancy piece of technology, make sure its an iPad. “Did ya hear about Dave? I has beaten to death with an iPad!” “Oooooo fancy…”

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 22, 2011 at 3:22 pm

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