E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Most likely to secede

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As everyone knows, America is at it’s strongest when the number of states is divisible by 17. I say America was at its best in from 1803-1812 and 1863-1864 consarnit!

Thankfully, a movement is afoot to give us our 51st state: frustrated by its “completely dysfunctional” and “totally unresponsive” government, a conservative Southern California lawmaker is suggesting that the San Diego, Fresno and Inland Empire areas secede from the Golden State to make the state of South California.

The compromise sounds entruiging: while the new state of South California would have hellish deserts, serious meth problems and active skinhead groups, North California would be left with stinky old Los Angeles, the Bay Area and the best marijuana growing site in the nation. Still, both new states would have their own Real Housewives franchises, so I guess that makes things pretty even.

Sadly, if the Civil War proved anything its that seceding is nasty business. I think Americans are pretty content with the nice round number of 50 states, and therefore this hairbrained scheme to somehow screw over those hippie athetists in Berkeley by making San Diego a state capitol likely won’t happen.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 15, 2011 at 4:56 pm

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