E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

My 1,000th John Quincy Adams post

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Someone needs to give Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin $10,000,000 to produce a miniseries on the Founding Fathers for HBO. Not only would we all learn alot of made up facts, but I know I’d enjoy seeing Ronald Reagan use his jet pack to blow up General Cornwallis’ universal-healthcare-powered helicopter.

Obviously, I am alluding to the fact that these women publically worship the Founding Fathers and then know nothing about them. Why just yesterday when George Stephanopoulos asked Congresswoman Bachmann if she had misspoke when she said the Founding Fathers, many of whom owned slaves, “worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States”, Bachmann told the tiny Greek that she had not. Contrary to, well, fact, Bachmann argued that John Quincy Adams was both a Founding Father and “tirelessly worked throughout his life to make sure that we did in fact one day eradicate slavery” when he was his fathers secretary during the Revolutionary War.

The problem is that John Quincy Adams (pictured above thinking “Girl whatchu talkin’ about?”), while he would later become an important abolishionist, was only in the country for three years of the Revolution when he was 9,10 and 13 respectively. So unless he was the Dakota Fanning or the Miley Cyrus of the Revolutionary War, I’m going to assuming he did not actively participate in the conflict nor in 18th century anti-slavery politics.

Why is it so hard for these people to admit that America isn’t perfect? That we had a grave original sin that we have struggled to make right for 150 years? Really, our political choices come down to one party, the Democrats, that is inspired by the way our nation can change for the better, and another, the Republicans, who think George Washington rode a unicorn and Patrick Henry pooped ice cream and that’s why we have to privatise Social Security.

In fact, I bet Michele Bachmann is mangling these facts because she is jealous John Quincy Adams is more electable than she is—and by that I mean today. As a skeleton.

PS-Oh my god you guys, why is John Quincy Adams always in the news? It’s like jeez what is he the fourth Kardashian sister?

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 29, 2011 at 4:29 pm

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