E PLURIBUS MORON

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Breaking News: Justin attacked by a Biebligerent

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Oh My Goodness! Stop the presses! Call the National Guard! Just hours ago a crazed man attacked Justin Bieber outside of Macy’s in Manhattan!

ABC News is reporting that “an unidentified man jumped a barrier and knocked the teen sensation to the ground” and was quickly arrested. Bieber was fine but looked “very shaken up” by the incident. You monster! How dare you touch a hair on that fabulous head?

Shame on this man. Doesn’t he know that Justin, the delicate Canadian maple leaf that he is, is far to delicate to be manhandled in such a way? As most of us know, our neighbors to the north are indeed very sensitive, what with their wussy version of football and Hockey-riot-temper-tantrums. Leave them alone I say!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 23, 2011 at 4:06 pm

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