The first major Republican Primary debates are tonight and everyone and who doesn’t have a family moose stew recipe (Palin) or cashmere toilet paper dispenser (Trump) is showing up!
Michele “Bat shit” Bachmann, Herman “Fox News’ non-Juan Williams black guy” Cain, Newt “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” Gingrich, Ron “Legalize It” Paul, Tim ~falls asleep~ Pawlenty, Mitt “I…can’t win Iowa” Romney and Rick “Santorum” Santorum will all take the stage to bash Obama and suck Ronald Reagans ghost cock.
Now I know what you’re saying: why should I watch that stupid bullshit when the internet is so chock full of pornography? Well here is a break down of some things you can expect for the candidates that might entice you away from Ass Bangers 2: This one’s got a drunk looking Asian Girl.
Bachmann: Watch her whip out Sarah Palin’s burn book!
Cain: Watch him sweat as he explains he’s not the “Rent is too damn high!” guy
Gingrich: His podium will quit as the debate begins
Paul: He’ll fill the someone-on-stage-talking-about-gold void that Trump left
Pawlenty: Hockey fight!
Romney: His answers will be on tablets written by god, read from a hat
Santorum: He’ll do a fine job showing he’s even less electable than Palin It’s gonna be a hoot!
We’ll be watching, althought no live blogging because it’ll surely make us lose what few friends this blog has.