E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

A Needle in a Verrrry Watery Haystack

with one comment

Al Qaeda is poised to strike one of our world’s most vibrant cities: Atlantis.

Or that’s what you might suspect if you had a conversation with 67 year-old California-based treasure hunter Bill Warren, who has announced he will search the North Arabian Sea for the body of Osama Bin Laden– if it exists there! Let’s face it, while gold dubloons and Spanish shipwrecks are nice, proving that Barack Obama is a liar is just so much more precious. Warren told CNN “I am mainly doing it to prove a point to see if he is really dead’ and boy is he going to be surprised when he finds that Osama Bin Laden is ALIVE at the bottom of the Arabian Sea, building a madrasa in the Kingdom of the Mer-people!

Warren assures the haters though that searching for a single body in a sea that’s a little larger than the entire country of India is insane, um, you’re actually the crazy one. “You can get lucky,” Warren said “There’s never been a shipwreck I didn’t find.” Wait, so Osama Bin Laden got so fat in his time living in Pakistan he’s as big as a ship? Wait, are they sure they got Bin Laden and that those Navy Seals didn’t just shoot Winona Judd? Both are easily confusable with the USS Indianapolis apparently.

Good luck Mr. Warren! I hope like the Old Lady who hunt out with the treasure hunters in Titanic that you too get to bone pretty-as-a-girl-20-something Leonardo DiCaprio. Grosssssss.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 13, 2011 at 8:52 pm

One Response

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  1. […] his consitutents elected him to do: bring liberty and justice to the mer-people of Florida (what, another post referencing mermaids?). I say fuey to the United States Code, it’s time we bring democracy to our Continental […]


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