E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

It kills Jewish Werewolves too!

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As I furiously tpye away at my patent on the “Osama Bin Laden Massive-Head Wound Halloween Costume”, I can’t help but wonder who else is trying to tie their business to the death of that awful man.

Well to my delight someone else is trying to build the dead Bin Laden industry with me, only their using coded werewolf symbolism! The Daily Mail tells us that the makers of “Silver Bullet Gun Oil”, which is made of “13 per cent USDA liquefied pig fat” and thus is impure to Muslims, are proudly claiming that their unholy Gun Oil was used in the bullets that killed Osama Bin Laden. By shooting him with pig oil, they say, the US kept him from reaching”Islamic-Facist Heaven”.

Okay, first of all calling your product “Silver Bullet Gun Oil” makes it REALLY seem like your company thinks Muslims terrorists are Werewolves, which despite their prodigious beard growth they are not.

Secondly, the company says the Pork Gun Oil will “put the fear of death” into the Terrorists. Umm, suicide bombers don’t really fear death: that’s the problem. If the existence of pork could stop people from blowing themselves up we wouldn’t need guns in Afghanistan because we could finish the job with BLTs.

Finally, it’s a very strange for a company whose business model is based off of killing Muslim terrorists to suggest that the one thing standing between these Terrorists and the eternal paradise of heaven is a smidgen of pig lube. According to the makers of “Silver Bullet” God can forgive blowing up innocent women and children but NOT a pork juice.

Whew! I am spent. That was mighty stupid. Still, a Muslim Werewolf is the only character missing from the next season of Degrassi…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 3, 2011 at 10:07 am

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