Glorious Leader’s Land of Happiness Crushes Imperial Dogs!
All hail our glorious leader Kim Jong Il, whose great leadership keeps us fed with one bountiful meal of cornstarch mush a day and who if he ever pooped would release on rainbows and wet puppy kisses!
As you would not know because you are ignorant American pigs, EPM has opened an office in Pyongyang’s booming “District that has Electricity!” Our natural belief that Americans are stupid psychopaths made Dear Leader wonderfully interested in this blog. And now we have good news! North Korean TV Network Conshun Central TV (their version of The Office is so much funnier than America’s!) has found that North Korean is the second happiest country in the world after China! America? Dead last at 203.
Awwww pooooor cry babies. Has your lazy reliance on free speech, paid labor and medicine not made of cabbage and twigs has made you sad? Why can’t you be happy like No. 3 on the list Cuba, No. 4 Iran, or No.5 Venezuela. Everyone in Cuba is clearly having a great time because all the jerks went to America!
Stay tuned for more updates from EPM DRPK! The greatest news bureau in the world that is still using 1940s typewriters! Take that, Time Magazine!