The Rise of the Coiffeurs!
Oh Barack you’re no fun. Don’t you know that by releasing your actual Long Form Birth Certificate today you have completely ruined 50% of Hardball with Chris Matthews’ daily content?
Even worse, that moron Donald Trump now claims he forced you to release it, which let’s be fair he kind of did. But that doesn’t mean you should let him sit there and act like he can boss around someone who is not just the Leader of the Free World but also infinitely smarter!
Here then is my proposal for you President Obama: now that you’ve released the hard evidence behind your birth, demand that Trump release all information about why his hair looks like that. You want to talk about longstanding mysteries that have vexxed the American people and may reveal earth-shattering truths? Well explaining just what the hell that thing is on top of Donald Trump’s head would do the trick. There are so many questions! How much of it is real? Is it just a terrible toupee? Does it cover the remains of the lost city of Atlantis??? We can’t know until we get those barbershop records!
So what should we call this national campaign? Obviously “birther” is taken. Scalpers? Folliclers? I’ve got it: COIFFEURS!