E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Pump it up, Mr. President!

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Americans like their Presidents to have the common touch. Teddy Roosevelt loved to show his athleticism, LBJ had his southern drawl, and Clinton used to like to bang chubby white trash bitches: all things that are a delightfully quotidian feel.

So when addressing the nation on the rising price of fuel, President Obama showed his common-man bonafides by telling the crowd “I remember what it was like pumping gas“. While I do like the sympathetic tone, I think it’s ridiculous how much time the Obamas have to spend trying to prove to people that bourgeois black people aren’t to effete to function and are actually normal people. Do the 2012 Republican Presidential candidates even know what it’s like to pump their gas? Sarah Palin knows what its like to huff gasoline (gotta do something during the Alaska winter) and Mitt Romney only knows what it’s like to scream gas stations passers by to “pump my fucking gas you commoner!”

Still, the President might be well served were he to pump some the gas for his motorcade. All sides of the political spectrum might like that, as for liberals it would make sure the President focuses on crafting new energy policy and for conservatives, well, they just like to watch minorities pump

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 7, 2011 at 10:47 am

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