E PLURIBUS MORON

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The 2011 Smallest Penis on the Internet Award

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The internet is a realm of so many wonderful things: videos of lesbians who look just like Justin Bieber, amazing jello shot art, and of course an array of impressively sized male genitals.

And while almost any Google search can reveal a huge schlong, one minorly famous Internet celebrity, Bob Parsons the CEO of the domain registry Go Daddy, has proved he’s both a giant dick and himself has a tiny dick. Go Daddy is well known for its racy superbowl ads, but now controversy is swirling as their uber-macho CEO posted video online of him killing an African elephant in Zimbabwe.

Parsons maintains that the elephants are “a nuisance destroying crops the local population depended upon…and even threatening the lives of villagers”. Of course this is a load of bullshit: People in Zimbabwe are starving because their cruel dictator Robert Mugabe has obliterated the economy of Africa’s former bread basket. Would he ask us to applaud him if he went to North Korea to shoot tigers or Iran to shoot camels? No.

So Bob Parsons, by using the money Danica Patrick’s tits made you to pay a dictator to let you shoot some poor animal all so you can post it online, you’ve demonstrated you have the Smallest Penis on the Internet. As they say in Zimbabwe: Mazel Tov you dumb putz!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

April 5, 2011 at 4:30 pm

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