E PLURIBUS MORON

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“Kennedy”+”Wild Turkey”=Not a story about alcoholism?

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Heads up Vanity Fair: there is finally an exciting story about the excesses of the Kennedy family that you haven’t beatn like a dead horse.

So what’s the news? Maybe an out of control nephew? A pregnant baby sitter or a pool-boy sex tape? Nope, this story involves Ethel Kennedy, the widow of Robert F. Kennedy, who if I am not mistaken must be about 9,000 years old. After intense scrutiny Mrs. Kennedy admitted she was the owner of “a hostile wild turkey that attacked a postal truck on Cape Cod last week.” ~in a bad Kennedy voice~ Errr, uhhh, huh-wut?

It seems as though Mrs. Kennedy got the turkey to teach her grandchildren about Thanksgiving, but why they left a live wild turkey with a woman who attended the first Thanksgiving dinner is beyond me. I just love this news story because of how deeply strange it is, and how it may be the missing piece of evidence finally solving the mystery of the JFK assassination!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

February 3, 2011 at 8:38 pm

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