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If only your grandfather also had the chance to interview J-Woww, right?

Well this is a sad day for those of us with that dream who also love watching an 80-year-old attempt to muster the energy to throw low ball pointless questions at runners-up from the Bachelor. Yes, I am sad to confirm that Regis Philbin will be retiring from television later this year.

For those of you history buffs out there, here are some highlights of the TV legends lowbrow Only in America!

44 BCE-Getting the exclusive first interview with Marc Antony after the death of Caesar
1436-Philbin’s reaction to the invention of the printing press “Can you believe this stuff!”
1927-First working television is put into use. Strangle, when the turned it on Philbin was already there making lasagna with Vice President Charles Dawes
1959-Philbin hosts the #1 rated TV game show “Slap My Commie Wife!”
1973– Due to his contract with ABC that required constant TV exposure, Philbin joins seminal New Wave Rock band Television
1988-Philbin begins Live with Regis and Kathy; He slips cyanide into her coffee everyday only to find out that poison makes her stronger.
1999-Philbin inks deal to host Who Wants To Be A Millionaire where he’ll be paid entirely in shiny ties
2001-Philbin returns to the magical elf forest he was spawned from to find new co-host Kelly Ripa
2011– Announces retirement from television to focus on his new role as the 6th member of Danity Kane.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

January 18, 2011 at 2:30 pm

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