E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

At least they’re not giving out Schnapps?

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Times are tough, and it seems as though if people are going to consume, they also want special perks. Perks that will allow them to mow down hoards of unemployed brain-hungry mutants.

Like getting a free toaster when you open up a checking account, or getting a free case of herpes when you open up a member of the cast of Jersey Shore, a Florida car dealership now has an amazing offer. Nations Trucks (despite its strange grammatical error) is offering vouchers for a “A free AK-47 assault rifle” with every purchase of a used truck. What did they borrow the idea from their Kabul office?

The owner of Nations Trucks defended his brilliant idea by saying “”My buyer is absolutely a gun owner, no question.” Nuh-uh! Not everyone who drives a truck loves guns. What about lesbians? Or organic farmers? What do they need AK-47s for? If anything you should give them vouchers to get the fuck out of Florida.

I suppose guns aren’t inherently bad for your driving: look at every movie Angelina Jolie has ever been in. Still, the idea that buying a truck merits an agent of death seems like it’ll only stimulate consumer demand among crazy backwoods separatists. But hey, those newly elected Tea Party representatives have to get to Washington some how!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 15, 2010 at 4:25 pm

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