Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Article One, Section Four (Loko)

with one comment

Wow times are getting tough for people like myself who bring Four Loko to parties just to be a jerk…

After being banned in three states, Senator Chuck Schumer of New York held a press conference yesterday calling on New York State officials to ban sales of caffeinated booze like Four Loko and Joose. Joose too?!? You asshole.

Okay so yeah, the fact that a Long Island girl died after mixing Four Loko and diet pills is pretty fucked up. But it getting drinks banned is a state issue. Sure Schumer has the Constitutional authority to ratify Four Loko treaties (although I don’t know why we’d do that to other countries), but why would he waste his time with something so needless and silly?

The only conclusion I can come up with is that Chuck Schumer, perhaps on election night, drank a bunch of Four Lokos and woke up with vomit in his shoes and a series of either sexts/bullying texts messages to the junior senator from New York Kirsten Gillibrand.

Sigh, remember when Congress was more collegial and people from both parties drank brandy and smoked cigars together in a mahogany paneled room? Now it’s so partisan that the best we can hope for is our representatives smoking menthols and chugging Four Loko together behind a dumpster.


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

November 11, 2010 at 10:02 am

Posted in Food

Tagged with , ,

One Response

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  1. The real TRUTH about the FoLo conspiracy…


    brandon swarthout

    November 18, 2010 at 1:20 am

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