E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

“I trust you honey. It’s the dog that thinks you’re a drug fiend.”

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When I was 16 my parents found a bottle of vodka in my closet and warned me that if I drank the whole thing myself at one time, I would die. What’s the problem with this story? You guessed it: They didn’t use a drug sniffing dog to find my contraband!

Thankfully our long teenage nightmare is over because a company in Maryland is now renting drug sniffing dogs to suspicious parents for $200 an hour. This is a fabulous idea! Why spend all that time parenting when a dog can just tell if your child is a criminal. No longer will we lose thousands of teenagers to marijuana overdoses every year! Oh. Wait.

But ya know what, if you’re willing to bring a drug sniffing dog into your teenagers bedroom, why not use dogs to sniff out the answers to all your awkward family related questions? Is your child a chronic masturbater? How about a hand lotion sniffing dog! Think the wife might be going through menopause? Dogs love smelling ovaries! Pretty sure your kids look half black and you and your wife are Norweigan? Well use a dog to find out if the bitch was screwing around on you.

Screw animal husbandry, this is the era of animal parentry!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 22, 2010 at 11:42 am

Posted in Law and Crime

Tagged with , , ,

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