E PLURIBUS MORON

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I knew that Los Angeles had some crime problems (most relating to Meg Whitman’s hiring policies), but I had no idea that it was this bad!

The Los Angeles United School District (the organization that educated entertainment juggernaut Betty White) has announced that it is “piloting a new program that will allow students to use their fingerprints to pay for lunch.” This, my friends, is the stupidest thing I’ve read about school lunches all day.

Now I’m all for using new technology to fight Los Angeles’ social problems: from what I can tell from documentaries like Transformers and Die Hard, Los Angeles has some severe buildings-exploding-or-being-smashed-by-space-robots issues. But extending the police state into school lunches? Unless Megatron has been stealing tater tots, this money could be better invested (besides, Decepticons don’t even have fingerprints).

So how about Los Angeles takes this money an invests it in healthier school lunches? Stuffing kids full of transfats and mashed potatoes will eventually make their fingers to fat to fingerprint anyway, so let’s focus on investing in more nutritious meals: Jamie Oliver and the Autobots will thank us for it.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

October 5, 2010 at 12:22 pm

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