E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Tea Party SMASH

with 2 comments

Awww is primary season over already? And here I was enjoying being told how the outcome of the contest for the Republican party’s nomination for Idaho Toll Booth Operations Auditor meant people thought Obama was a communis’.

If one thing can be determined from this year’s primaries, it’s that the Tea Party is the Hulk like manifestation of the G.O.P. (“Hulk say freedom isn’t free. Brahhh!!!”) and it has been wildly successful at destroying Republican establishment candidates’ campaigns.

Indeed, The Washington Examiner has an incredible self-indulgent conservative piece called “One Nation Under Revolt” where they say that the Tea Party has become “one of the most powerful and extraordinary movements in recent American political history…it is as popular as both the Democratic and Republican parties.” Is that metric you want to measure yourself against? I imagine the Tea Party is as popular as gonorrhea and herpes too!

That said, the Tea Party, like an addict smoking a huge rock of crack, certainly influenced the future of the G.O.P. last night! Let’s take a peak:

Delaware Senate: This one is a biggie. Moderate Congressman Mike Castle lost to anti-masturbation Tea Partier Christine O’Donnell. Castle was considered a favorite to pick up this Democratic seat, but now O’Donnell’s far right views, and the fact that Delaware is so boring all people have to do is masturbate, pretty much ensure the G.O.P. will lose.

New Hampshire Senate: Kelly Ayotte, who was both the G.O.P.’s choice AND Sarah Palin’s choice, just barely managed to beat back her Tea Party challenger Ovide Lamontagne. Wow. With a name like that Mr. Lamontagne is clearly a supervillian who ran to abolish property taxes on mountain lairs and capitol gains taxes on death rays.

New York Governor: Carl Paladino defeated VASSAR GRADUATE Rick Lazio for the right to lose in November to Andrew Cuomo. Lazio, who went to my alma mater, clearly thought warnings of the “Tea Party” were overblown as at Vassar “tea party” means a afternoon get-together with tea, cookies and pearls, not obese retirees in lawn chairs.

Yikes well there you have it folks! This election is boiling down to Republicans retards and Democratic dandies—so, ya know, no different than any other election.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

September 15, 2010 at 11:06 am

2 Responses

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  1. But you forgot to report who got the Republican party’s nomination for Idaho Toll Booth Operations Auditor!

    K

    September 15, 2010 at 11:46 am

  2. It’s Dirk Smegland, who ran on the platform that both Toll Booths and Idaho are unconstitutional.

    bengrinspan

    September 15, 2010 at 12:02 pm


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