E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

What does a turd look like in 3D?

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Hey Hollywood movie producers: no amount of 3D imagery in the world could make me want to see The Last Airbender. Only the promise of the beheading of M. Night Shyamalan could entice me to see that cinematic abortion.

Am I wrong here? I think most adults would agree with me, which is why I found The Financial Times‘ article on the box office failure of 3D movies so confusing. Who cares about the technology when the movie itself is just SO bad? To it’s credit, the article does make passing reference to the “poor quality” of many 3D summer blockbusters, which is like writing an article about why no one wants to buy any Bush administration collectible china and only making passing reference to the “poor quality” of his brain function.

I’ll tell you why 3D doesn’t always work: the blockbusters this summer have sucked so hard. Step Up 3D? Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore in 3D? I’d sooner watch my grandparents’ sex tapes in 3D. Isn’t each cheaper and better for society just to make slightly less crappy movies movies up with exposed breasts and minor celebrities than an unnecessary dimension? I’d rather pay 50% more to see Audrina Patridge’s double D’s than a 3D bomb’s triple D’s.

Thank god they’re making that Justin Bieber movie in 3D, or we’d really be lost!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 16, 2010 at 1:31 pm

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