E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

How I learned to stop worrying and embrace the BONG

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Things to add to the list of things you can’t/shouldn’t buy in Florida besides condos? Bongs.

Florida has just enacted a law that limits bong sales to 25% of a business’s sales. What? How are Anne Taylor and Lily Pulitzer supposed to make any money now?!? Well you better believe that bong purveyors are suing mad. Seriously, why persecute head shop owners when we can all agree that American Apparel must limit its useless hipster bullshit to a Spartan 95% of sales?

Bong salesman (who I’m sure used to do their sales door to door in the 1950’s) insist that people use bongs to (hahaha) smoke tobacco or that “the bongs aren’t even used for smoking in some instances, and are instead used as decoration.” We all know nothing spruces up an bike co-op, Oberlin sophomore dorm room or even law office like a handsome 4 foot tall dragon bong. How could Florida’s Senate tie the hands of interior designer’s like that?

This is all a stupid charade because it’s not like limiting bong sales is going to stop people in Florida of all places from doing drugs. This limit will have ripple effects on associated business too: think of how much Taco Bell, Netflix, and Oreo’s will suffer. I reckon the only way for Florida to improve its economy is to smoke more weed, not less. That or get Trick Daddy to start recording again…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

August 9, 2010 at 2:36 pm

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