E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Mama always said birth and gun control were for sissies

with one comment

Having unprotected (heterosexual) sex like kind of like playing the lottery. For every one Kevin Federline knocking up a rich celebrity and living easy, there are about 16 million people who either produce messed up hillbilly kids or get the Herp.

This is a lesson that Levi Johnston has not yet learned. Rumors are swirling that Johnston may be the father of his pregnant ex-girlfriend’s baby. Johnston’s ex by the way is named Lanesia Garcia, which proves that just because your name sounds like a birth control pill doesn’t mean you’re not gonna get, just like, super pregnant.

Bristol Palin, who just a few weeks ago announced that she and Johnston were back together and engaged, is so furious that she’s only talking to Johnston by text and is threatening to kill herself the only way a Palin knows how: reading The New York Times.

Okay I made that last part up, but what is true is that the Palins are the trashiest family in America. Now not only do we have to keep Bristol’s mom out of the White House because she is singularly unqualified to be President, but also because her kids’ unprotected sex would ruin the historic furniture. Oh won’t somebody please think of the furniture!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm

One Response

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  1. Well, there goes Camalot….

    leahfranqui

    July 31, 2010 at 11:57 am


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