Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Union! Union! Snooki!

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Well it seems as though the last days of organized labor’s power are here: instead of Red and Black banners and singing “the Internationale”, the most effective union in America now has been reduced to spray tan orange skin and DJ Pauly D’s remixes of “Calabria 2007”.

That’s right folks: the cast members of the Jersey Shore have just successfully struck to raise their per-episode pay. According to The Hollywood Reporter, cast members will be getting $30,000 an episode, which translates to roughly 500 bottles of Valtrex herpes medication. Should we be surprised at their negotiating prowess? Probably not. We’ve all seen how the Situation can negotiate his way into the pants of a host of Butter Faces and how J-Woww negotiates not having her nipples pop out of every outfit.

Naturally New Jersey Italians know a thing or two about striking. That’s why E Pluribus Moron was so lucky to get an interview this morning with Joey Scummutz of the Valdezzo Brothers Olive Oil, Construction and Other Legitimate, Non-racketeering Related Services Company, who planned the strike. He told us:

“Listen I just called up those pisellos at MTV and told them that if they didn’t give my boys a raise that maybe the talent wouldn’t show up at work. And maybe their business partners would break their knees and maybe their cars would blow up. Unfortunate accidents happen ya know? We just don’t have to tell the feds about it.”

So congratulations cast of the Jersey Shore and the Cosa Nostra, you just outfoxed MTV, a network whose business model relies solely on Taylor Lautner’s abs. It’s thrilling to watch two intellectual greats locked in mortal combat. Long live the worker! Long live The Jersey Shore in all it’s really stupid glory!


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 22, 2010 at 11:58 am

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