E PLURIBUS MORON

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Michael Bay presents: The District of KILLumbia

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And here I thought overly inflated rent prices were the biggest danger to my house in Washington D.C…

Why have I come to this conclusion? Because at 5:04 a.m. this morning Washington D.C. was struck by an earthquake! Sure most people slept through it, but when taken with epic snowstorms, all that anti-Jesus legislation the Congress is passing, and the fact that, like all Michael Bay disaster movies, we have a black President, I think D.C.’s days may be numbered.

Perhaps that’s why people on the local news are freaking out: “I was terrified. Then it was a huge jolt and my bed actually went forward from the wall,” a Maryland local told WTOP. Of course, in my house it mostly felt like a garbage truck was rattling my windows, but I suppose this woman’s hysterics can be forgiven. Washington D.C. is about to be swallowed up by Satan’s minions, so pretending that a minor earthquake was like the collision of India into Asia seems pretty justified.

Let’s just pray that Will Smith/Ben Affleck/Bruce Willis can save us in time….

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 16, 2010 at 10:15 am

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