E PLURIBUS MORON

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A Shot at Crazy with Tila Tequila

with one comment

‘Member that time Uncle Donny got thrown out of IHOP for angrily exposing himself to a waitress? Or when your “crazy friend Jamie from college” was asked to leave the bar because she vomited in the cash register? Well someone we all know and love has found a way to out class them all as she gets hurled out into the street!

Despite how seemingly impossible it sounds, Tila Tequila has gotten herself thrown out of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab for being too big a mess. Wow, this is exactly the kind of glorious testament to America and its freedoms that her parents escaped Vietnam for.

According to Tila Tequila’s friends, on a normal day she “wakes up, snorts ambien, Googles herself, does more, Twitters all day and then sleeps”, making her a perfect candidate for Celebrity Rehab, right? Wrong.

If you’ve ever seen this show, it’s about the basest thing on American television: that egomaniac Dr. Drew goes around to State Fairs and Celebrity Boxing tournaments rounding up D-listers with A-list drug problems to slowly die on TV. So it’s pretty astounding that the producers, who regularly deal with Dennis Rodman, were all like “this bitch is too crazy for VH1.”

While this accomplishment is astounding, Ms. Tequila’s singularly lame career and even sadder drug problem make me cringe. I really can’t tell if she deserves a MacArthur genius grant for her accomplishments or to be put to sleep. One thing is for sure though: Dr. Drew is such a skeeze he would happily host a TV special where we put down Tila Tequila.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 12, 2010 at 4:35 pm

One Response

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  1. […] Just as Fox News’ Newt Gingrich proudly shared his America boner, news has emerged that Michaele Salahi, the White House party crasher and re-animated mummy who stars on Real Housewives of D.C., has been thrown off of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Holy shit! Who knew Mrs. Salahi would enter Tila Tequila territory? […]


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