E PLURIBUS MORON

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PA vs. The Wine Robot

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What’s that you say? This Cabernet comes from a vending machine? Well I thought I tasted hints of oak, red fruit and cheetos!

Indeed, according to the AP, supermarkets throughout the great state of Pennsylvania will soon feature wine vending machines, which work simply by “(Swiping) your driver’s license, (looking) into the camera, (and blowing) into the breath sensor.” Umm, hooray?

This breathalyzer on the Wine-tron 3000 raises some bizarre questions: first of all, unless you’re talking about Arbor Mist, I would love to know which town drunks in Pennsylvania are getting hammered on Pinot Grigio (and not the PA classic Yuengling)? Secondly, who would want to use a technology that requires users to put their lips near an apparatus that every drunk in the supermarket has put their mouth on? I’d sooner swim open mouthed down the industrial Delaware River.

When it comes down to it, I think if a state is building preachy wine vending machine robots, it’s really time to reform the state’s bizarre and idiotic liquor laws, which mix the efficiency of a Soviet state-owned store and all the charm of a corner store that sells forties behind bullet proof glass.

Pennsylvania has so many historic firsts, and I’d like to keep “First Wine Robot Uprising” out of that prestigious list…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 8, 2010 at 10:57 am

Posted in Food

Tagged with , , ,

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