E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Bigotry served with a side of fruit

with one comment

In a recent article in Newsweek discussing the political future of Mississippi’s fat loutish Governor Haley Barbour, it was revealed that back in the 1980’s when a Barbour aide complained about “coons” attending their rallies, then candidate Barbour sarcastically reprimanded his aide by saying that if he “persisted in racist remarks, he would be reincarnated as a watermelon and placed at the mercy of blacks.”

Gov. Barbour, who has been in the news a lot lately thanks to the Gulf Oil Spill, ought to resign his post. That joke was kind of funny, but only in a “Oh My God what is wrong with Mississippi” kind of way. Now, in a letter sent exclusively to E Pluribus Moron,  F. Eleanor Cucurbitacaea, the President of the National Association for the Advancement of Watermelons, responds to Governor Barbour’s tasteless remarks:

My fellow Americans,

We as a society must condemn the remarks that Governor Barbour made, for they are offensive to both African and Watermelon Americans. These two community, so rich in history and Vitamin C, deserve better than that from their elected officials.

Watermelon Americans, like their African American brothers and sisters, have fought hard against bigotry and stereotyping to realize the American dream. Who was there are the battles of Shiloh and Iwo Jima to be a nutritious snack for our nation’s fighting men and women? Watermelons! Who refused to be served at segregated lunch counters? Watermelons!

And yet Watermelon Americans are still not treated equally, from cheap 7-11 fruit salads to overly fancy bourgeois preparations with foie gras and pork belly, our nation’s watermelons are second class citizens. In addition, the scourge of Watermelon flavored vodka and “Bros icing bros” with Watermelon flavored Smirnoff Ice have made things that much more difficult for the community.

What happens to a watermelon dream deferred? Does it dry up and get all hot and mushy in the sun? Let us strive to live in a society where an African American can eat a watermelon without being stereotyped by bigots like Gov. Barbour, and where straight males may eat salads without looking like flaming homosexuals.

I pray that we may live in a world where a man or fruit is judged by the content of their character and not the color of their skin, be it white, black, yellow, brown or green with darker green stripes.

God Bless You, and God Bless the United States of America.

Truer words have never been spoken, nor have they made your hands so sticky.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 6, 2010 at 11:26 am

One Response

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  1. […] me get this straight: Mississippians have a racist-joke making governor and spend all day reading the uber-violent Book of Revelations, but Terry Gross interviewing the […]


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