E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

That’s one branch of government left, Twilight

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Twilight has ruined so many things over the past few years. Vampires, which used to be awesome monsters or potent symbols for the duality between people’s civilized ways and their animalistic savagery, are now symbols of abstinance and the brain damaged caused by ADHD medication.

Speaking of institutions that are almost completely worthless, Supreme Court nominee Elana Kagan this week had her confirmation hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee, showing us once again what a waste of time these hearings are. They are so pointless that yesterday Sen. Amy Klobuchar said to Kagan “I keep wanting to ask you about the famous case of Edward versus Jacob or the vampire versus the werewolf.” 

Obviously the confirmation process since Bork and Thomas has been a bit of a joke, with nominees revealing absolutely nothing and never answering any question directly. But has it sunk so low we’re making jokes about Twilight? I would literally rather everyone in the room go see the movie as a group bonding exercise than waste their time on this shit. At least Franken was doodling.

Kagan, it should be noted, recused herself saying she wished Klobuchar wouldn’t ask her about Edward versus Jacob. Perhaps that’s because as Solicitor General she was asked to argue the famous case Taylor Lautner’s Buff Body v. His inability to act. At least we know she won’t be distracted by his abs of steel, if ya know what I mean…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 1, 2010 at 10:18 am

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