E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

G.T.L. is good for G.D.P.

with one comment

Today, July 1st, 2010 is the day that liberty died. Or at least turned the color of a burnt carrot and got cancer.

You see my children, today is the first day that the Obama health care initiatives tanning tax goes into effect. While tanning salon owners and the about three quarters of sorority girls are outraged about the new 10% tax, dermotologists throughout the country hope that it will “deter indoor tanning…the same way tobacco taxes have helped cut down on smoking”. Listen dermo-Nazis: I’ve tried smoking in a tanning bed and mostly it just causes electrical fires. Just sayin’.

But it’s vital that we remember that this tax is a good thing! Only an ignoramus would assume that it’s just an unconstitutional expansion of the Nanny State. No, this tax was envisioned to use Jersey Shore to bring down the national debt! Think about it: the new season is premiering soon (just in time for beach season) and morons from all over the country now feel it’s their pop-culture duty to be as orange as Snookie. If the Situation can’t fix of deficit, no one will.

We definitely need more government/fad-TV show tie ins to raise more tax money. How about taxing condoms after True Blood makes every woman in America horny as shit? There’s a new season of Mad Men coming up too! Let’s just tax every lazy menwear’s designer who goes “ehh let’s just make this suit look like Don Draper would wear it”. The possibilities are endless/cancer inducing!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

July 1, 2010 at 3:32 pm

One Response

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  1. […] week we brought you a story about how the new tanning tax is a big scam to make money for the government off of stupid people. […]


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