E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Shrek the Ogre=The Green Herbert Hoover

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Ahhh summer. Who needs to enjoy the sun and warm breeze when there are so many product with tie ins to blockbuster movie to buy! Toy Story 3 is shilling for Visa. Iron Man 2 is trying to convince us Audis are fancy cars. Killers and Grown Ups are part of a secret plot to legalize assisted suicide by making audiences want to kill themselves.

One particularly strange and thoughtless summer blockbuster tie in however seems to be indicative of the nation’s serious economic and nutritional problems. The Wall Street Journal today reported on the success of a campaign by Vidalia Onion Committee to use Shrek 4 to sell onions to kids. The onion packages have a picture of Shrek and say that like the famous ogre, onions have lots of layers.

Am I missing something? Are kids suckers for anything layered? I mean I know hobos like layers, as do emo girls and the kids from Boy Meets World, but children?

I think this campaign may actually be more indicative of our nation’s economic and social problems than what kids like these days. You know when kids were last dying to eat onions? The Great Depression. Now that we’re in the Great Recession apparently kids are crazy for every 1930s and are feasting on onions in the nation’s movie theaters. It’s also worthwhile to point out that we live in a two tiered society now where 90% of kids consider onions a sweet and exotic fruit, while the remaining 10% of bougie urban kids eat acorn squash til their colons explode.

Maybe there’s a way to balance our fiscal and nutritional issues without slapping Selena Gomez’s picture on a bag of rutabagas? How about using sex to sell that stuff instead? Kids love sex!

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 28, 2010 at 1:45 pm

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