E PLURIBUS MORON

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850 Rabbis walk into a bar and…

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This sounds like a set up to a bad joke right? One with some kind of shitty punchline like “Those aren’t Matzo Balls!”. But in fact 850 rabbis did recently get together (minus the twelve inch pianist) to sign a statement urging senators vote against Elena Kagan.

I’ll be honest, I kind of forgot Elena Kagan wasn’t on the Supreme Court yet, but a bunch of Orthodox rabbis, who given the fact that they still go on about the destruction of the Temple in 580 BC and thus never forget anything, are pissed. Apparently, despite the fact that Kagan has that perpetual Jewish-lady-looking-into-a-pot-of-boiling-soup face, she isn’t quite Jewish enough for them.

They complained that Kagan doesn’t observe “real” Judaism, and that she wants to “homosexualize every segment of society” and believes “partial-birth babies have no right to be delivered”. While I have to give them props for the fab yiddish syntax and coining the new verb “homosexualize” (“Waiter could you homosexualize my salad?”), I’m not quite sure what delivering a “partial-birth” baby means but it sounds gross and expensive, not unlike kosher food really.

Orthodox Jews barely vote, and the ones with money are already BFFs with the Clintons, so it’s not like this story really matters. Only right wing news sites pay attention to this because the both hate Elena Kagan and have a creepy love for Israel. The Right only likes Israel because the want the Second Coming to happen, so they grin like pedophiles at a Jonas Brothers concert and lust after us Jews and all our crazy shenanigans.

Oy. Like I needed another reason to tell my mother why I refuse to go on Birth Right…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 25, 2010 at 10:43 am

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