E PLURIBUS MORON

Keep your government hands off my medicare!

Reagan would be so proud of this guy

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Who says just because Americans now recycle, don’t beat their children and are about to gay-up the army means we’ve lost our essential badass-ness? The country that produced such notably awesome-yet-completely-insane badasses like Chuck Norris, Ronald Reagan, and John Dillinger still has some pep left in it’s crazy, sword-wielding step!

On Monday 52-year-old California construction worker Gary Brooks Faulkner was arrested by Pakistani police deep in the lawless tribal region of that nation. When Faulkner, who was found with a gun, a book of Christian liturgy, night vision goggles, and a motherfucking sword, was asked by Pakistani police what a guy who looked like him was doing in a Pakistani forest and not, say, the health suppliments section of Trader Joe’s, he replied he “wanted to kill Osama Bin Laden”.

You know we hear all the time about how Americans, thanks to the recession, disaster, war, and The Real Housewives of New York, have pretty much lost the will to live. Well not this Ninja Jesus guy! A Pakistani psychologist may have just declared that he has “psychological problems” (shit, how messed up do you have to be to be declared “crazy” by a goddamn Pakistani person?), but I think we can all admire his single minded, incredibly short-sighted determination to go to the world’s most dangerous place and kill that asshole Bin Laden.

Next up? I’m hoping it’s the cast of The Hills.

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 16, 2010 at 11:53 am

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