I am a Puppy Rapist, and I Approved This Message

Very wealthy people running for office is nothing new, and God willing some day we will be ruled by the benevolent hand of America’s classiest multi-millionaire, Donald Trump. However, a man named Jeff Greene (the billionaire, not Larry David’s fat manager in Curb Your Enthusiasm) made his money in such a particularly shitty way off of such a painfully idiotic American industry that he may ~gasp~ be too wealthy to get elected.

Greene is running for the Democratic nomination for Florida senate, and has the dubious distinction of making hundreds of millions of dollars by betting against Florida’s real estate bubble, thus cashing in after its collapse. Greene is a little eccentric as well, as according to Politico he “collects erotic art (and) had Mike Tyson serve as his best man.” Tyson as your best man? THAT’S SO AWESOME. Who needs to write a pricey pre-nup when your BFF Mike will gladly assault your wife for free? That kind of business sense will help us slash/batter/grope our spiraling national debt.

Greene has a problem though: media reports indicate that Florida Democrats, should Greene’s money get him the nomination, will back current governor and indepedenent candidate Charlie Crist for senate seat. For some CRAZY reason, just because the housing implosion did to Florida’s economy what Mike Tyson did to Robin Givens’ face, politicians don’t want to be linked to a man who got rich off of that.

Maybe it’s time Greene stepped out of the race. I think people would rather vote for the following billionaire candidates: C.E.O of Puppy Rapist Inc. Edgar Lopez, McPanda Meat Hamburger Restaurant founder Don Jubber, and (of course)  B.P.’s Tony Hayward.