E PLURIBUS MORON

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We’re here! We don’t care! Get used to it!

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When the Stanley Cup finished, I felt a bit of a relief: finally Hockey was over and there was another sport that I didn’t have to pretend I knew/cared anything about for a while. Then like a plague of locusts that only comes every 4 years (ugh how many plagues does Africa need anyway?), suddenly I am expected to give two shits about ~shudder~ soccer.

Everywhere you turn on the internet there are guides that are supposed to help Americans get excited about the World cup. It’s a stupid waste of time that America undertakes every 4 years and NEVER works. Why bother anymore?

I don’t know if it’s nature or nurture, but Americans, try our best, can’t really get interested in soccer. Oh sure, we’ll experiment a little with it as adolescents, pretending we enjoy it because of global soccer-normative peer pressure, but our throbbing desires to not care about soccer eventually forces even the most cosmopolitan American to come out and admit they just can’t stay erect during a soccer game (you know, like standing and cheering) in the way the rest of the world can.

I guess I’m say that if you like soccer, or as the Frenchy frog bastards call it “le football”, you’re gay. And as George Rekers proved, you can’t fix gay/soccer. I suppose the best thing to do is just call yourself a “Soccer Ally” and be as supportive as possible. Is there any coincidence that the World Cup weekend as the national Gay Pride Festival? I think not…

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 11, 2010 at 11:26 am

Posted in Sports

Tagged with , ,

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