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“Pelicans win oil drilling contracts!”

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Just when you thought Americans had finally woken up a little bit to the ways in which we willfully destroy ourselves, a bunch of potential GILFs (Govenor I’d Like to Fuck) and SILFs (Senator I’d Like to Fuck) have reminded us once again that given the opportunity (and a about $50,000,000 in campaign contributions) segments of the population will happily poison themselves.

I am of course talking about the fact that last night was a big night for female Republican candidates! I am woman, hear me oppress my own gender roar!

In four major elections across the United States crazy bitches be doin’ well: sultry sikh sex-pot Nikki Haley of South Carolina and Meg “I was too busy to vote in the 80s or 90s” Whitman of California won their G.O.P. nominations for governor. Meanwhile for the Senate, Carly Fiorina won the California G.O.P’s nomination; however, the big news was that Sharron Angles gave Harry Reid a big fat electoral present by out-crazying the already crazy Sue Lowden to win the G.O.P. Nomination for Nevada Senator. It’s a true David vs. Goliath story if, ya know, David wanted to abolish commie programs like Social Security

Now you may be asking yourself: what does all this have to do with a dying Pelican? Well you see conservative women, who want to end things like freedom of reproductive choice, governmental support for working families, and laws against institutionialized sexism, are a little like a Pelican who works for BP. Or drives a Hummer. They may think they’re doing well and making lots of money to buy fish and other, um, Pelican stuff, but when it comes right down to it they are literally sewing the seeds of their own distruction. And that, my friends, is both idiotic and dangerous.

So when the G.O.P. shoots out a press release entitled “Big night for G.O.P. women!” you should just think “Pelicans win oil drilling contacts!”


Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 9, 2010 at 11:55 am

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