E PLURIBUS MORON

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Oh dear God I agree with Pat Robertson

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Jesus get me a trashcan: I’m gonna be sick.

In an effort to reduce gang violence the Schenecdaty, New York school district district has banned certain pieces of clothing, including jewelry. One student was suspended under that rule for wearing rosary beads to commemorate his dead brother and now Pat Robertson’s law center has taken up the boys case. Have things gone so far with schools’ “Zero Tolerance” policy that kids are turning to Pat Robertson (and not good old fashioned sticky icky) for help?

On an online forum, one woman agreed with the school district, saying “If there really is a gang affiliation with wearing the roasary then I am on their side.” Let me clarify something quickly for everybody involved: Christianity is not a gang. I know Jesus hung out with 12 street toughs and a hooker, had an illegal bootlegging operation (water to wine anyone?), and the fish he miraculously gave to the poor actually just came from a truck hijacked off the Garden State, but I don’t think that makes affilitating yourself with Jesus a gang member: Christians simply aren’t that exciting.

So while I am baffled that I am saying this, I am glad Pat Robertson is helping to sue the school district; this seeming ridiculous event stems from the fact that we Americans just have a very positive view of religion. We loooove expressions of faith: the crazier the better. Oh sure a Burqa or some rule-breaking rosary beads are fine, but what we truly love is the religious expression that’s weepy, theatrical and makes you wonder “Holy Shit do Mormons actually believe that? I have to warn Mitt Romney!”.

So that’s that: I will agree with Pat Robertson until he says something ignorant and embarassing again. Any thoughts on what I should do during those 15 minutes?

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Written by Your Benevolent Editor

June 2, 2010 at 2:24 pm

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